I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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