Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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