I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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