YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
