So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
