I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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