was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
