I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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