Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
