oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
