Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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