he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
