If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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