Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
