You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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