shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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