His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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