i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize