I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
