She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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