You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
