Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
