So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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