My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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