ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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