I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize