Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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