But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
