i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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