I don't think brook has ever known best
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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