ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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