Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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