So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you win again, gameday.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
