omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
barbara walters just said penis...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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