I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
