WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
