Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My balls are so social today.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
