Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Less talking, more tequila
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize