I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
