i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
