I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
