ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
