we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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