My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
