it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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