ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
