He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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