You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
