Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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