Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
