I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
