3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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