I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
