Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
