Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i think i have two assholes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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