I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
