what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
