My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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