These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
