There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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