Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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