Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
