perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
