There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize