this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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