Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
