He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
