I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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