She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
