I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize