i need an iv and a liver transplant
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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