just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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