After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
