I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
