I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
