He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
