WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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