The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize