I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize