He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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