Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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