i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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