did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
