the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
